It is Fall. I love this season. Why? Well the easy answer would be-Because it is not to cold and not to hot. The trees are beautiful. The leaves of all different colors, red, yellowish bronze, green, purplish red. The fun the kids have playing in the leaves. The family time during Thanksgiving and all those other dinners and gatherings. The fun the kids have when dressing up in their costumes and saying "Trick or Treat". Now for the more complex answer- I was out for a drive. The freshly paved road and the beautiful trees lining the road. The breeze was just light enough that all the leaves were lightly falling and floating as I drove down the road.
In some ways I feel like my life and just me in general is alot like the seasons changing. Particularly Fall. I am an emotional person and I have been known to have the occasional heart to heart. Not everything is as easily expressed through normal conversation though. Watching those leaves fall that day "clicked" with me though. Life right now feels like it is changing so much. Losing my job, and I am gaining weight back that I had lost, I am going to be taking one of the most important tests of my life in less than 2 months. If a tree can change its leaves, so can I right? Every year they change color and fall off and then sprout new ones the following year. Im trying so hard to make sure I sprout new ones. I dont want to have everything fall off and then have the winter just kill me.There are just certain things and pictures that connect with how I feel sometimes.
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| This one if you can understand, shows how I have felt for about a year now |
I hope you are following my metaphors here. I try to keep in mind that there is always someone out there that has a worse situation and that I shouldnt complain. I feel like life at any moment could just fall apart. My family is the only thing that keeps me grounded sometimes. People joke about how much I change my hair. In some way I think it is just me trying to figure out who I am. I know I cant find that in a box of hair dye. I am 27 years old, and still dont know who I am. So now begins the process of finding that answer.
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| I am a mother |
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| I am a wife |
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| I am a daughter |
Thats alot to be, and I love being all those things. But sometimes I feel like there is no "Just me", if that makes sense. And I suppose that all those roles and a few others make up who I am. So to work on the above mentioned process I will work on looking on the bright side. I will stop sitting back and letting things just happen. I will ask the tough questions even if I dont want to hear the answer. I will not give up on school, because getting a degree will prove to me that I AM someone. By getting that degree I will prove that I am a determined, hard working, smart woman. That being said and now that I have rambled long enough, I need to go feed my son and do some homework.
